Im going to Adelaide tomorrow. Gosh, it's been ages since I've been on a really good holiday. I went to Canberra for a few days last year, but I got hayfever, and severely missed Sydney. I did not enjoy the nightlife, but I did enjoy the shopping at DFO and another place, that had sales shops. And it was good to spend a few days with Ally, who I don't think I had seen at all that year until then. Oh, and I ate some of the most AMAZINGEST nachos. And found a supermarket that sold so many poptarts and cherry coke. It was sugar heaven. I spent $20 on poptarts. Then a few more dollars on Hershey's.

But now I'm going to Adelaide for a few days. To visit family, and to get out of Wollongong, because, as usual, it's doing my head in.

I'm looking forward to seeing my cousins and uncle and aunt. It's been forever. I haven't seen Katie for nearly 13 years. And I haven't seen uncle Pete for about 5 or 6 years. It should be good.

I hope it will be good. I will make it good. 

Even more, I'm quite looking forward to the plane ride. There's something fascinating about traveling on a plane. And this will be the first time as a solo traveller on a plane. And I have a good/trashy book to read to pass the time.

For my next holiday, I want to go back to Byron Bay. Then, hopefully, I will be in London, and traveling all over Europe for a year or so (or so I'm planning to).

ps. I had the most amazing night last Thursday. It was amazing.

I wish I could record my thoughts. In my head, I seem to say everything so right, yet when it comes the time, I can't get anything out the right way. 

I forget half the things I want to say. I can't seem to say things in order. I come up with new things on the spot, that are sometimes out of line, and therefore, don't make any sense.

If I could just somehow record my thoughts, maybe I could speak clearer, and actually be heard in the way I want to be heard.

But that never happens and no one ever listens to me and I can never say the things I want to say in the way I want to say them.

Job Interviews

They are a like/dislike thing for me. I like them, as it's one step closer to getting a new job. I dislike them, as there is the wait after the interview, to find out if you actually have the job or not.

Im currently in the dislike stage. 

I had a job interview for Myer yesterday. And I would really like to get the job. Even more so, as Forever New is now open in Wollongong, and I know too much of money is going to be going into their cash register. I really like some of the shoes they have there! And I love love love new shoes! Now I just need a job to fund my new shoe habit. 

My new shoes I bought a few weeks ago from Sportsgirl are now really comfy. They could be a little more comfier, but they aren't a strain on my feet anymore, which is amazing. And good, because they are so cute!

I dyed my hair yesterday before the job interview, and stupid me, I accidently got hair dye on the end of my left eyebrow. Damn. I thought it was just on my skin, so I was trying to rub it off with anything I thought. Hopefully.

Oh well. I now have 2-4 weeks of waiting to find out if I get the job at Myer or not. But to pass time quicker, I'm going to Adelaide!!! I'm so looking forward to it!!! I get to see family who I haven't seen since I was 10, and I get to meet new family! And I won't be in Wollongong for 5 days! So much excitement!!! 

I also have a week's work placement at Novotel during the last week of October aswell, so that should be good. Sorry, Tafe, but I will be not in you, again, when I should be in you. Oh well, I may stay back later on Thursday afternoons to catch up, and no leaving early on the other days, to get as much work in as possible. And I've nearly finished my tech module, kind of. Which will mean I get Wednesdays off of Tafe. And most of Tuesdays. Which will be fabulous. 

Still a little undecided as to if I should do Cert IV next year, or if I should do another art course. Or hopefully just work. I have no idea.

and i want to go now. i want everything to hurry up and change again. i don't like this.

i want next year to get here faster. i want to move to london now. 

i know people say that running away from your problems wont fix anything, but i know i am going to have so much more fun london, than i will have here.

new people, new places, new cities, new lights.

new friends.

better friends.

i will come back a better person.

friends

suck.

I Love Sydney

Even if 85% of the time I go there, I'm by myself. It's good me time, and most of the time, I'd rather shop with no one else with me, as I feel more rushed when with friends.

Except yesterday. I couldn't shop. It just wasn't working for me. It may have been the shoes I was wearing. I don't know.

So I had to get up at 6 am to make it to the train station for the 7.03 am train. I was hoping to never catch that train again after moving to Sydney last year, but the inevitable came yesterday. I had to make an earlier appointment to see my psychiatrist, and she had a cancellation at 9 am, so I took it. Which meant catching such an early train and getting into Sydney at 8.36 am. Rush rush rush to Newtown for the appointment and was only 10mins late, and it was good, as my Dr was also late.

After my appointment, I had an awesome brunch of cinnamon toast and a banana smoothie, then went to QVB. By that time, my feet were so sore!!! I bought new shoes on Saturday and wore them for the first time to Sydney. Not a good idea. My feet are generally between sizes 6 to 8, depending on the brand. With Sportsgirl ballet flats, I should take a size 6.5 shoe. Sportsgirl don't make half sized shoes. So instead of going the 7 and having my feet falling out of my shoes, I went the size 6. So tight when walking in them for a long time!!! But such cute shoes, I'm going to keep wearing them, and HOPEFULLY stretch them out a little so they won't be a tight and painful. (ps. Sportsgirl have AMAZING shoe boxes!)

So I didn't do much shopping in QVB, did see a top I want, but didn't even try it on. Walked down to World Square and went into Cotton On to try on this leopard print dress I want. I've tried it on before, but I wasn't too sure about it, so I tried it on again. I still really like it, but I'm still not too sure about it. As I was putting it back on the rack, I saw the cutest sequined mini skirt. I think I have to go back and try that on, and hopefully, like it. I like having new clothes. But I was a little disheartened about the dress, that I just walked back to Central to catch the next train home. Since I had 40mins to wait, I bought the new Vogue to read during my wait, and train ride home. While I was still at World Square, I was considering going to see a movie, but figured I would probobly have to wait a while till the next session came on for the movie I wanted to see, and it would probobly be quicker going straight home. 

That didn't happen. While waiting for the train, I checked out the movie times on my phone, and saw the next session for the movies I wanted to see were on in 20mins. So it was rush rush rush back pass World Square to get to the cinemas. And I made it in just before the previews ended.

I saw My Sister's Keeper. There were tears. It was so sad! As I have read the book (and cryed while reading), I knew what was going to happen, and was actually getting sad at the very start of the movie. I am the worst person to go to the movies with. The movie was so good!!! Except for the ending. It was completely different to how the book ended, and I had read this in reviews for the movie, so I was expecting it (and kind of had an idea as to how the movie would end). But it actually let me down. Sure, I had tears, but I was so let down! But I can see it becoming a movie I would want to watch over and over.

After the movie, I went back home, read most of Vogue, and endured a slow walk home from the train station, where I finally got to take off my shoes and walk around barefoot.

i think i get it now.

but i'm not sure.

i'm over anxious and worry too much, and over think everything. i suck at friendships. i cant do relationships. i care too much about things and people who i really shouldn't care about, and the things and people i should care about, i wouldn't give a second thought to.

when i should be worrying about the future, i'm stressing about now. i dwell on the past. i try to fix mistakes that can't be fixed.

i people who i shouldn't like. i do things i shouldn't do. i want things i shouldn't want.

nothing makes sense. ever.

i try to make an effort, but no one else does. it just gets me more and more angry.

sorry is just a word that is thrown around way to freely -  much like love and hate.

does anyone even know what love or hate is? is anyone even really sorry any more?

saying something doesn't mean anything these days. don't believe the hype. don't believe anything.

people don't seem to make an effort anymore, unless if it benefits themselves, and themselves only. and the people who care too much, just get left behind with nothing left but memories that don't mean anything.

it just seems that to get ahead, you have to hurt everyone you know. you have to hurt the people who thought they meant something to you. you have to lose all your feelings and not care about anyone but yourself. the world does revolve around you, and if you don't get what you want, you haven't done enough damage. you still have too many friends.