Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Aquarobics


I went to an aquarobics class today. It was quite fun, yet painful on my leg at the same time. And it's true, aquarobics classes are dominated by old people. I was the youngest in the class by a few decades. But I will continue doing aquarobics. I'm not suppossed to be doing aquarobics, or any  sort of physical activity, pretty much, after having surgery.

I got operated on Dec 23 in Canberra. It went well. It was a boring day at the hospital, but I had lots of magazines to read, and there was a tv in the waiting room, and I got to wear a pretty comfy dressing gown. The walk to theatre was not fun. After having not eaten for about 15hrs, I had to walk past a cafeteria to get to theatre. Lucky I wasn't feeling all that hungry. I then got to lay in a bed with a warm blanket, and some nurse talked to me. I then got wheeled into the room you go into before the operating room. Ive never liked that room. It's always so cold. Same with the operating room. But it's something to do with equipment and infections. I'm not too sure.
I'm getting braver as I get older. First surgery I've ever had where I didn't cry beforehand. And my mum wasn't even there with me. But I was brave, and I didn't cry, and I was able to talk to the theatre nurses and the anaesthesiologist all good. I got the canula inserted and then had to breathe into the oxygen. The anaesthesiologist was telling me its best if i hold it over my mouth myself, as I can get it in the better position, and so no oxygen escapes, and he tells me it's in a good place, no oxygen was escaping, and that was pretty much it. No getting told to count backwards. No warning. Just waking up in recovery all groggy and heavy-eyed, trying to work out where I was, and what I was doing and if I had had surgery yet. Then I felt the pain and realised I had been operated on, and the nurse came over to give me pain killers. Which I proceeded to get a fair few more times. 
I don't like the sound of oxygen masks. They are a little noisy in quiet rooms. I hate the smell of them. Combined with a sore throat from the breathing tube, there aren't that great, and the taste of the oxygen and plastic stick around in the back of your throat for a few days.

It's been two weeks since I got operated on. I'm still in quite an amount of pain. I've been taking pain killers daily. It hurts to do everyday activities, such as getting out of bed, sitting down at the table, walking up and down stairs. But there's not much that can be done. The doctor I saw today said the only thing she can do is keep me comfy with pain killers, till the pain goes away, and see the surgeon again for after surgery check-up. So I'm back on panadiene forte. Not the greatest way to start a new year.

Monday, January 5, 2009

2008 is over

I'm not sure if it was a good year, or a bed year. It had it's ups. It had it's downs. But from what I see, it was mostly down. 
I started the year off with a great job. But then left, due to going to tafe in Sydney. I fought with my mum heaps, got kicked out of home, and then moved to Sydney. I had fun in Sydney, but missed all my friends like crazy.
I never got a job in Sydney. I didn't enjoy being so far away from all my friends, and my mum and my cat.
I didn't talk to my mum for the majority of the year. I had a breakdown and had to go to hospital. I saw many councellors and psychologists. Then I saw a pyschiatrist and got diagnosed with a mood disorder. 
I made some good friends in Sydney. I enjoy being so close to the city, and being able to walk to Newtown. I had fun at the parties I went to. 
I quit tafe part way through the first term of second semester. It was good to be able to do everything for me. Music Business was a shit course, I wasn't learning anything, and I missed doing art subjects. 
I had a fair amount of job interviews, but no success. If I didn't go to tafe in Sydney, I would have stayed in Wollongong, and kept my job, and stayed with all my friends and family. I probably would have talked to my mum all year, aswell.
I enjoyed not being held down by anything. I didn't enjoy the lack of money. 
I lived with two awesome girls in Sydney. I'm going to miss them. I'm moving back to Wollongong. 
I'm hoping this year will be alot different. I want to get a job. I want to be secure in life. I want to have something to do. I want to buy a new bed. I want to buy a bookshelf. I want to spend more time with my friends. I want to spend more time with my mum and my cat. I want to spend more time doing art and photography. I want to bake more. I want to learn to knit. I want to remember more of what I did, instead of thinking back on the past year, trying to remember what I did, and not remembering much of it. 

2008 is seeming like a big blur of everything. Passing out from too much drinking. Trying drugs for the first time. Crying myself to sleep at night. Crying for no reason at all. Crying at the most smallest things. Laughing at things that aren't funny. Missing everything I am familiar with. Not having a relationship with my mother.
I'm going to make 2009 different. I hope it's going to be different