Friday, September 18, 2009


and i want to go now. i want everything to hurry up and change again. i don't like this.
i want next year to get here faster. i want to move to london now. 

i know people say that running away from your problems wont fix anything, but i know i am going to have so much more fun london, than i will have here.
new people, new places, new cities, new lights.
new friends.
better friends.

i will come back a better person.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I Love Sydney

Even if 85% of the time I go there, I'm by myself. It's good me time, and most of the time, I'd rather shop with no one else with me, as I feel more rushed when with friends.
Except yesterday. I couldn't shop. It just wasn't working for me. It may have been the shoes I was wearing. I don't know.

So I had to get up at 6 am to make it to the train station for the 7.03 am train. I was hoping to never catch that train again after moving to Sydney last year, but the inevitable came yesterday. I had to make an earlier appointment to see my psychiatrist, and she had a cancellation at 9 am, so I took it. Which meant catching such an early train and getting into Sydney at 8.36 am. Rush rush rush to Newtown for the appointment and was only 10mins late, and it was good, as my Dr was also late.
After my appointment, I had an awesome brunch of cinnamon toast and a banana smoothie, then went to QVB. By that time, my feet were so sore!!! I bought new shoes on Saturday and wore them for the first time to Sydney. Not a good idea. My feet are generally between sizes 6 to 8, depending on the brand. With Sportsgirl ballet flats, I should take a size 6.5 shoe. Sportsgirl don't make half sized shoes. So instead of going the 7 and having my feet falling out of my shoes, I went the size 6. So tight when walking in them for a long time!!! But such cute shoes, I'm going to keep wearing them, and HOPEFULLY stretch them out a little so they won't be a tight and painful. (ps. Sportsgirl have AMAZING shoe boxes!)
So I didn't do much shopping in QVB, did see a top I want, but didn't even try it on. Walked down to World Square and went into Cotton On to try on this leopard print dress I want. I've tried it on before, but I wasn't too sure about it, so I tried it on again. I still really like it, but I'm still not too sure about it. As I was putting it back on the rack, I saw the cutest sequined mini skirt. I think I have to go back and try that on, and hopefully, like it. I like having new clothes. But I was a little disheartened about the dress, that I just walked back to Central to catch the next train home. Since I had 40mins to wait, I bought the new Vogue to read during my wait, and train ride home. While I was still at World Square, I was considering going to see a movie, but figured I would probobly have to wait a while till the next session came on for the movie I wanted to see, and it would probobly be quicker going straight home. 
That didn't happen. While waiting for the train, I checked out the movie times on my phone, and saw the next session for the movies I wanted to see were on in 20mins. So it was rush rush rush back pass World Square to get to the cinemas. And I made it in just before the previews ended.
I saw My Sister's Keeper. There were tears. It was so sad! As I have read the book (and cryed while reading), I knew what was going to happen, and was actually getting sad at the very start of the movie. I am the worst person to go to the movies with. The movie was so good!!! Except for the ending. It was completely different to how the book ended, and I had read this in reviews for the movie, so I was expecting it (and kind of had an idea as to how the movie would end). But it actually let me down. Sure, I had tears, but I was so let down! But I can see it becoming a movie I would want to watch over and over.
After the movie, I went back home, read most of Vogue, and endured a slow walk home from the train station, where I finally got to take off my shoes and walk around barefoot.

Monday, September 7, 2009

i think i get it now.
but i'm not sure.
i'm over anxious and worry too much, and over think everything. i suck at friendships. i cant do relationships. i care too much about things and people who i really shouldn't care about, and the things and people i should care about, i wouldn't give a second thought to.
when i should be worrying about the future, i'm stressing about now. i dwell on the past. i try to fix mistakes that can't be fixed.
i people who i shouldn't like. i do things i shouldn't do. i want things i shouldn't want.
nothing makes sense. ever.
i try to make an effort, but no one else does. it just gets me more and more angry.
sorry is just a word that is thrown around way to freely -  much like love and hate.
does anyone even know what love or hate is? is anyone even really sorry any more?
saying something doesn't mean anything these days. don't believe the hype. don't believe anything.
people don't seem to make an effort anymore, unless if it benefits themselves, and themselves only. and the people who care too much, just get left behind with nothing left but memories that don't mean anything.
it just seems that to get ahead, you have to hurt everyone you know. you have to hurt the people who thought they meant something to you. you have to lose all your feelings and not care about anyone but yourself. the world does revolve around you, and if you don't get what you want, you haven't done enough damage. you still have too many friends.