The year started out fantastic. I spent the new year with great friends, drinking too much vodka, watching fireworks and lots of dancing. I then spent the summer partying too much, dancing a lot, and going out every weekend. I also started pole dancing. Summer was amazing.
Autumn. I don't like Autumn. I kept partying. I kept dancing. Then I got a disc bulge and my life went downhill. I was in emergency at the local hospital 3 times in one month (twice in an ambulance, as I couldn't walk). Many painkillers were taken. Way too many. Just when my back was getting better, Winter came along, and so did a kidney infection and my appetite went out the door. For 7 weeks.
Winter. I couldn't eat for 7 weeks. I lost weight, my self confidence, and none of my clothes fit me. I didn't go out. I felt like I had lost everything (including friends). This, aswell as the disc bulge, slowly bought my depression back. Me and mum were arguing more again. I was not a happy camper.
It's now spring. I thought things were looking up, but I couldn't eat properly. I hate(d) myself. I didn't enjoy life. I didn't enjoy much. I tried to act like I did, but on the inside I didn't. It is such an awful feeling. To wake up and not want to do everything. Everything is such an effort. Crying comes naturally, and even that is effort. Goodbye motivation.
I ended up in hospital. Today I have been in hospital for two weeks, but I get leave (currently on leave now as I write this blog). I'm hoping I'm out soon, as I'm over hospital.
It's such a nice day out now, I think I'm going to go for a walk down by the beach. And to enjoy some fresh air, and to relish the fact that I'm not surrounded by four walls.
1 comment:
I am so sorry to hear you've had such a shitty year hun :( I really hope things start picking up for you soon. If you ever want to catch up for coffee or a chat in the sunshine, let me know through my blog - always glad to meet new Wollongong-ites xx
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