I dont't know what to do anymore

Life sucks. I'm all emotional. About everything. Sucks immensly. I've cried about 4times today. I don't know what I want to do next year. I don't know if i want to keep living in Sydney. I don't if I should apply for full-time jobs. Should I go back tafe or keep working? Do I stay in Sydney or move back to wollongong? I really don't know, and I feel it's troubling me. 

I never thought I would say it, but I actually need my mum. Even though she doesn't support me anything I do, or doesn't seem like she cares or wants to help, it's times like these you need a hug from your mother.

I got a package in the mail today. Christmas presants from my mum. I havent opened any of them up, but I did open the box. And there was a letter. She hasn't talked to me for a few months, yet she ends the letter with 'Love Mum xoxo'. She always knows what to get me for christmas, but I don't think that has happened this year. I saw two gift cards for Sanity in the box, but I want gift cards for bookstores. And clothes stores. The letter says theres presant to share with my housemates. What does one share with housemates? She doesn't even know I'm moving. I don't even think I want to open the presants, as I'm scared I'm going to be dissapointed and cry. I cried when I found out it the box was from my mum. I cried when I opened it and saw it was full of christmas presants. I cried again when I read the letter. I don't want to open the presants and cry.

I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure if I want to be here anymore. Everything is just getting all on top of me and I don't like it. I don't like living out of home. I don't like the relationship I have my mother. I'm not sure I like where I'm going in life. I don't like anything right now. I don't even like myself. I'm crying right now, and I don't even like that. I don't even like the music I'm listening to.

I think I'm over everything. Life included.